RED:
Strengthens physical energy.
Alleviate colds, and flu.
Helps with listlessness.
Confidence: You can do anything you desire.
Physical Strength, Power
Action, movement, change and transformation
Red is represented by fire. Fire can create or destroy.
I would like to send out a thanks to Blu for all of his help with this new template. I like it much better and will hopefully have time soon to add a few more links.
My week has been fruitful yet stressful. I took a test Thursday and will have to wait 2 to 3 weeks to find out the score...if I passed or failed. I'm not a really patient person and this waiting game is driving me nuts. Are you asking yourself...What kind of test did she take? Well, let me tell you. (I'm not sure if I should be proud that I'm finally taking this step in my life or ashamed that it's taken this long) I went Thursday to get my GED (General Education Diploma). I feel pretty good about everything except the math, there were so many things that might as well have been Greek, but then I felt the same way on the pre-GED test and aced it, won the scholarship even, but still I worry that I haven't passed.
A big part of me was proud of myself for winning that scholarship...a bigger part was blown away that I did it. I find it hard to believe that I held the highest score among those taking the pre-test (around 20 people). To pass you must score a 430 on each subject and an average of 480. My lowest score was a 510 in math, the average for all of it was 678. I'm really surprised at this score, but J says that He knew I would pass it and wonders why I waited so long to even chance it. I chock it up to fear of failing and being a very self-conscious person, perhaps I should listen to J more often as He has been telling me for a long time that this would help my self-esteem and confidence...I think He is right, at least I hope He is. I'll find out in about 2 weeks...
Along a hidden path lays the way into my dreams
A place of hope and sorrow, where nothing is as it seems.
The door in which I enter is a pillow and my bed
As the sun goes down and stars appear to shine above my head.
I lay adrift not quite asleep, half here and half there
My dreams they finally claim me as I float without a care.
Soaring high above the ground, angels at my side
I feel as though I have wings of silk on which I gently glide.
Watching as the moon shines brightly silver and blue beams
Me without a worry, I lay safe inside my dreams.
I was going through some old files today and came across some of my poems. Here are a couple of my favorites...
The Far Side of the Rainbow
Come along on a magical ride into a galaxy
Where people glide
through mystical skies and
Swim through rainbow seas.
The trees grow near a wishing well
Deeper than you’d ever believe
Ocean waves on pearly shells and
Roses grow on trees.
Buttercups of butter cream
Found in rows and rows
A fairy princess in each one
To help it as it grows.
Clouds of cotton candy
float on purple skies
As little men with pipes so thin
Sit talking with their wives.
All day long kids run and play
In fields of lollipops and
When it rains the children say
It tastes like chocolate drops
Caramel apples grow on trees and
Tiny bees with tambourines
Make music in the sky
Boats set sail, made from shell
As mermaids swim near by
Even here on this other world
Much is still a like
As each and every heart beat slows
To the rhythm of the night
The evening gives way to the end of day
As shadows grow dark and shady
A star burns out and is reborn
Before the Lunar Lady
Powerful Goddess though she be
The sky is ruled by light
The silver sun may guild the day but
A pink moon rules the night
Matters of the Heart
Alone I walk this path of mine so weary yet no rest in sight.
The darkness silent as the grave I seek the ending of this night.
Will I be bound to this depth of hell never to see my love again?
To suffer through the end of time without my lover once my friend.
Hate has closed his heart to me has taken his hand away from mine.
I would give my soul right now to have his love just one more time.
Alas I had to say good bye to all I held tenderly in my heart.
I have not the courage nor will nor strength to give it another start.
I have wanted to add links to my blog for a long time and have yet to figure it out.
Yes, I admit, I'm not very good at all this blogging stuff at times and I need a little help here. Can anyone show me how to add a link to my blog? Please. : )
I called the Head Start yesterday only to find out there were not enough openings for T to go there. They are required as a state run facility to take children who are 4 years old first, then they will accept 3 year olds according to their needs. No one could tell me or even give me a ball park guesstimate of when they will be able to take him, so...it's time for a re-direct.
Since I really don't care what kind of job I find until I can get my EMT license, I'm going to try and get a job at a day care. This way I'll have work and T can get used to being around a bunch of other kids before he goes into kindergarten without it costing us an arm and leg. It will also alleviate some of the stress of leaving my little boy in an environment that is new or perhaps scary for him. I admit I'm a little bit hesitant at the idea of being around little people all day long, but the cash will be a good thing and so, I'll do what I must. It can't be all that bad...can it?
It's been a while...a long while. Life has been very hectic this summer leaving me little time to blog or anything else online. Even as I sit here typing this I am trying to make the best use of my time by having a lunch break as well. Such is life I suppose.
School starts back August 1st for my two oldest kids and my baby boy (he's 3) will be off to preschool shortly after. I'm feeling a little down about that, but hey they have to grow up don't they? I worry about how he will react when I leave him that first day and that I wont have the spine to leave my poor, poor, little guy all on his own in this big bad world. Yes, I freely admit I am a HUGE sap when it comes to my kids and am probably a little bit too overprotective, but if J and I don't look out for them...who the hell will???
Anyway, now that T is off to Head Start my life is about to take a big turn for me, you see I haven't worked very much outside of my home in my married life. With the exception of one year of working in a nursing home,(I quit when I found out I was pregnant again) I have always been a stay at home mom and now I am in search of a job. Just something, anything for the moment until I can get my EMT license and then I will work on getting my RN, so I may reach my ultimate goal which is to become a life flight nurse.
I must admit I'm not overly fond of the idea of having to deal with people, actually I hate the idea, but I know what I love and I realise the entering this field of nursing will allow me to do just that...help those that TRULY need it, without having to become attached in any way. So, keep your fingers crossed for me, that I will be able to make this happen.
To those of you who have continued to come around and read (even through my absence)...Thank You!
| I have issues with... |
| mother father water men sex |
| Global Personality Test Results |
| Stability (60%) moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Orderliness (50%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun. Extraversion (53%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary. |
| You Are A Lily |
 People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize. |
This image has been slithering her way through my thoughts and so, I have put it on paper. I know this isn't my usuaul work, but maybe drawing her will get it out of my system. Should I be worried at all?
This is the first picture I've drawn completly on PSP, I've had it around for a while, but forgot about it until today. It's been a while since I last posted so, I thought I would work on this a bit today and put it up on here.
I just colored it in PS. I'm not sure which I like better.
I think this anxious/depressive state that I have been in is begining to break. I would like to thank each and everyone of you who were there for me during my little whining, cry baby fest. Thank you.
The Human Seasons
FOUR Seasons fill the measure of the year;
There are four seasons in the mind of man:
He has his lusty Spring, when fancy clear
Takes in all beauty with an easy span:
He has his Summer, when luxuriously
Spring’s honey’d cud of youthful thought he loves
To ruminate, and by such dreaming high
Is nearest unto heaven: quiet coves
His soul has in its Autumn, when his wings
He furleth close; contented so to look
On mists in idleness—to let fair things
Pass by unheeded as a threshold brook.
He has his Winter too of pale misfeature,
Or else he would forego his mortal nature
John Keats (1795–1821).
It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words... this is a perfect picture of my emotional state right now. With that said, I guess there is no reason to say any more.
This is a new picture I drew today. I don't think I'm finished with it yet, I believe I will eventually add colour.
Here she is coloured, though I still have a lot of work to do. I'm still not quite satisfied with the outcome. The hair has MUCH left to be desired (I suck at colouring hair) as well as the ear and neck. I'm fairly happy with the face...for now. Most of this was done in Photo Shop.
She is a Dark Elf and her name is Aliandrias and she is still considered a mere elfling at the age of 130, her powers still developing.
I am still forming a story in my mind for her. If anyone has any story Ideas for her, please feel free to share! :)
| Your Birthdate: September 29 |
 Expressive and aware, you enjoy finding new ways to share your feelings. You often feel like you don't fit in - especially in traditional environments. You have big dreams. The problem is putting those dreams into action. Your strength: Your vivid imagination Your weakness: Fear of failure Your power color: Coral Your power symbol: Oval Your power month: November |
Engineered insanity, sophisticated…essentially disturbing, her love is a bridge burning through our short-lived lives. Gothic, soft rare orchid, tragically unpretentious and devastatingly beautiful, beckoning us to join her in harsh circumstance. Reluctance dances through us as her cold reality consumes who we are. Her icy gaze burning an eternal epitaph upon our naked hearts.
Thank you J.
Amazing sex! That’s what it was. He made me cum hard, my body tightening as my clit exploded in ecstasy. I was unable to keep my legs bent as my body arched into a straight line, my legs squeezing together, trying to hold onto it for as long as I could. He watched my face as it contorted in the passion of the moment. My thighs were damp as he spread my legs, still looking at me, my breast in his hand. He pushed into me, filling me completely, rocking me with the force of his hips.
It all started with a little innocent remark on my part as he stood hanging his clothes up. As he pulled the belt out of his pants, I said. “That’s kind of kinky.” I had his attention. “What was?” He looked at me, listening. “You, sliding that belt out of those pants like that.” I grinned up at him from my place on our bed. He finished hanging the clothes and crawled into bed with me to snuggle. We didn’t get much snuggling done, I was in need and he was willing to fulfill that need.
There was a little soft hand spanking, nothing too hard, but just enough to get me wet. He was ready with a vibrator and an anal toy that I find especially pleasing, I was ready, soaked for it. He sat above me and helped me to work into that place, to cum. I feel a million times lighter now, funny how he sometimes knows what I need better than I do. J is able to see when I need to decompress and relax, like today. He can also see when I need to be taken down a little and when I just need a good cry.
My body is still very sensitive even as I sit here writing this. My mind beginning to unwind a little at a time. J is such a solid part of my life; I don’t know what I would do without him. I know that I wouldn’t feel whole.
January 1st marks the beginning of another year for us together as man and wife just as it does the New Year, it will be our ninth anniversary and I could not be happier with my husband. J has been with me through everything, I have told him all of my deepest fears, my greatest hopes and wildest fantasies. It is comforting to know that there is at least one person in this world who knows me…not just what is on the surface, but the real me…all of my faults and nuances. Still he loves me, mistakes, screw-ups and all. He sees past all of that and helps me to cultivate the part of me that thrives on doing my best; he makes me want to be a better person. For all of that J I love you, for just being you, I love you.
Thank you.
This poem was sent to me in an e-mail...I don't know who wrote it, but I wanted to share.
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,Transforming the yard to a winter delight.The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,And I crept to the door just to see who was near.Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..To the window that danced with a warm fire's lightThen he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.Sleep without fear as you turn out your lights.""It's my duty to stand at the front of this line,That separates you from the darkest of times.No one has asked or begged or implored me,I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembered.
"My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',And now it is my turn and so, here I am.I've not seen my own son in more than a while,But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
'I can live through the cold and the being alone,Away from my family, my house and my home.I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.I can carry the weight of killing another,Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..Who stand at the front against any and all,To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.""So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,"Give you some money, prepare you a feast?It seems all too little for all that you've done,For being away from your wife and your son.
'Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,To stand your own watch, no matter how long.For when we come home, either standing or dead,To know you remember we fought and we bled.Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.
This poem was sent to me through e-mail,(It didn't say who wrote it) I really liked it and thought I would put it on here…so, I never take for granted or forget all these men and women who fight that I may enjoy the freedoms this country offers.That I might always apriciate all that I have, thanks to these brave people who would fight and die for this amazing country I call home
I have been in a terrible funk lately and to make matters worse I couldn't sign in to blog! Funny, how something that is not used on a regular basis (sadly) can put you in such an ill mood when you can't use it at all. I'm odd like that though...I rarely go anywhere and that's ok so long as my vehicle is where I can use if I want to, but if it happens to be in the shop I get this overwhelming NEED to go. It's almost like some kind of psychosomatic claustrophobia. I suppose due to the way I was raised, hidden away in the country, never going anywhere.
Ahh, here we go again...my past, damnit, it stays in the forefront of my mind. I can't seem to get over it, leave it where it belongs...in the past. J thinks that I need to confront my parents on certain things, I am however quite happy to just leave my parents out of my life altogether. God, that seems so harsh, even to my own ears. This is driving me nuts! I LOVE my parents, but a part of me wants to dis-own them, to put them out of my mind and go on with my life.
Sadly, I don't have that option...my daughter and son (7 & 5 yrs. old) were asking me today when they could go and spend time with my parents. I told them that we could ALL go and see them if they would like. My daughter is such an astute child and wanted to know why we don't want them around granny and papa without us. Grrr, how do you explain to children that you don't want them to end up as mindfucked as you are, or that their grandparents are so completely out of touch with reality and life in this century? Still trying to dodge that one as long as I can, right now I'm just telling them that I love granny and papa, but there are things that I don't really agree with them on. It's true enough...I guess.
I'm also working out in my mind exactly where I fit into "The Kink" that I do so enjoy. I want to say that I am a true sub and I guess in ways I do have a submissive personality, but I don't think I'm really a sub or maybe I haven't learned how to truly submit or maybe I don't really want to relinquish complete control...round and round I go. I have heard a few subs talking about something called a "Total Power Exchange" and I find myself cringing at the very words, so what does that mean about me? I want to be very good like all the other submissive I see, but on other occasions, I just want to scream...are you fucking for real? What gives anyone the right to try to take away MY freedom, to rein me in and have me jumping through hoops for him or her? Is it really for THEM though or is it a way to give me a break from myself. I'm very lucky that my husband J will spank me when I want him to, he has only once spanked me in a discipline fashion and I could hardly call that discipline (I'm not complaining) but when he did it, on an anger scale of 1 to 10, I was about a 25. Maybe it wasn't anger, but pride. So, I have all these thoughts running through my head and I don’t know where to go or what to do with them. A part of me wants to wholly surrender while my saner side tells me to be happy with just being a spanko...if that is in fact what I am.
I found myself sitting here at my PC and decided it was well past time to post more to my blog. Bad me! I get so bogged down with day to day life that I forget to take time out for the simple things in it.
Today I took my kids, put them in the truck and headed out for a drive. We didn't go anywhere in specific, just enjoyed the lovely country roads and each others company. At times I find myself so frustrated at my kids because I can't seem to find any personal time, then I step back and remind myself that they will not be young forever, that there will come a day when my arms ache to hold them and they will then not have time for me. So what am I saying here? I guess, just to appriciate what we have and not take a single moment for granted, to enjoy the beauty that surrounds us in all the small details. To set aside our busy schedules for at least 5 minutes a day and appriciate the life that surrounds us.
