Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. - Helen Keller

Monday, December 26, 2005

Bonnie and Clyde

This is J and I on an anniversary trip two years ago...I think I'm going to write a story to go with this one :) I was so cold in this picture, it was taken in a shop in Gatlinburg, the shop was completely open in the front (why I was so cold) so that everyone who walked by could see in. I didn't have anything on underneath that coat either! The guy that took the picture told me not to let go of the coat...hmm, ya think? I can't wait until we can go back, if we do another picture like that, I think I want to be a saloon girl...I wonder if they would let J throw me over his lap?

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Thank you J

Thank you J.

Amazing sex! That’s what it was. He made me cum hard, my body tightening as my clit exploded in ecstasy. I was unable to keep my legs bent as my body arched into a straight line, my legs squeezing together, trying to hold onto it for as long as I could. He watched my face as it contorted in the passion of the moment. My thighs were damp as he spread my legs, still looking at me, my breast in his hand. He pushed into me, filling me completely, rocking me with the force of his hips.

It all started with a little innocent remark on my part as he stood hanging his clothes up. As he pulled the belt out of his pants, I said. “That’s kind of kinky.” I had his attention. “What was?” He looked at me, listening. “You, sliding that belt out of those pants like that.” I grinned up at him from my place on our bed. He finished hanging the clothes and crawled into bed with me to snuggle. We didn’t get much snuggling done, I was in need and he was willing to fulfill that need.

There was a little soft hand spanking, nothing too hard, but just enough to get me wet. He was ready with a vibrator and an anal toy that I find especially pleasing, I was ready, soaked for it. He sat above me and helped me to work into that place, to cum. I feel a million times lighter now, funny how he sometimes knows what I need better than I do. J is able to see when I need to decompress and relax, like today. He can also see when I need to be taken down a little and when I just need a good cry.

My body is still very sensitive even as I sit here writing this. My mind beginning to unwind a little at a time. J is such a solid part of my life; I don’t know what I would do without him. I know that I wouldn’t feel whole.

January 1st marks the beginning of another year for us together as man and wife just as it does the New Year, it will be our ninth anniversary and I could not be happier with my husband. J has been with me through everything, I have told him all of my deepest fears, my greatest hopes and wildest fantasies. It is comforting to know that there is at least one person in this world who knows me…not just what is on the surface, but the real me…all of my faults and nuances. Still he loves me, mistakes, screw-ups and all. He sees past all of that and helps me to cultivate the part of me that thrives on doing my best; he makes me want to be a better person.  For all of that J I love you, for just being you, I love you.
Thank you.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

A Different Christmas Poem

This poem was sent to me in an e-mail...I don't know who wrote it, but I wanted to share.

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,Transforming the yard to a winter delight.The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,And I crept to the door just to see who was near.Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..To the window that danced with a warm fire's lightThen he sighed and he said "Its really all right,

I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.Sleep without fear as you turn out your lights.""It's my duty to stand at the front of this line,That separates you from the darkest of times.No one has asked or begged or implored me,I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembered.

"My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',And now it is my turn and so, here I am.I've not seen my own son in more than a while,But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,The red, white, and blue... an American flag.

'I can live through the cold and the being alone,Away from my family, my house and my home.I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.I can carry the weight of killing another,Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..Who stand at the front against any and all,To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.""So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,"Give you some money, prepare you a feast?It seems all too little for all that you've done,For being away from your wife and your son.

'Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,To stand your own watch, no matter how long.For when we come home, either standing or dead,To know you remember we fought and we bled.Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.

This poem was sent to me through e-mail,(It didn't say who wrote it) I really liked it and thought I would put it on here…so, I never take for granted or forget all these men and women who fight that I may enjoy the freedoms this country offers.That I might always apriciate all that I have, thanks to these brave people who would fight and die for this amazing country I call home

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Random Thoughts

I have been in a terrible funk lately and to make matters worse I couldn't sign in to blog! Funny, how something that is not used on a regular basis (sadly) can put you in such an ill mood when you can't use it at all. I'm odd like that though...I rarely go anywhere and that's ok so long as my vehicle is where I can use if I want to, but if it happens to be in the shop I get this overwhelming NEED to go. It's almost like some kind of psychosomatic claustrophobia. I suppose due to the way I was raised, hidden away in the country, never going anywhere. Ahh, here we go past, damnit, it stays in the forefront of my mind. I can't seem to get over it, leave it where it the past. J thinks that I need to confront my parents on certain things, I am however quite happy to just leave my parents out of my life altogether. God, that seems so harsh, even to my own ears. This is driving me nuts! I LOVE my parents, but a part of me wants to dis-own them, to put them out of my mind and go on with my life. Sadly, I don't have that daughter and son (7 & 5 yrs. old) were asking me today when they could go and spend time with my parents. I told them that we could ALL go and see them if they would like. My daughter is such an astute child and wanted to know why we don't want them around granny and papa without us. Grrr, how do you explain to children that you don't want them to end up as mindfucked as you are, or that their grandparents are so completely out of touch with reality and life in this century? Still trying to dodge that one as long as I can, right now I'm just telling them that I love granny and papa, but there are things that I don't really agree with them on. It's true enough...I guess. I'm also working out in my mind exactly where I fit into "The Kink" that I do so enjoy. I want to say that I am a true sub and I guess in ways I do have a submissive personality, but I don't think I'm really a sub or maybe I haven't learned how to truly submit or maybe I don't really want to relinquish complete control...round and round I go. I have heard a few subs talking about something called a "Total Power Exchange" and I find myself cringing at the very words, so what does that mean about me? I want to be very good like all the other submissive I see, but on other occasions, I just want to scream...are you fucking for real? What gives anyone the right to try to take away MY freedom, to rein me in and have me jumping through hoops for him or her? Is it really for THEM though or is it a way to give me a break from myself. I'm very lucky that my husband J will spank me when I want him to, he has only once spanked me in a discipline fashion and I could hardly call that discipline (I'm not complaining) but when he did it, on an anger scale of 1 to 10, I was about a 25. Maybe it wasn't anger, but pride. So, I have all these thoughts running through my head and I don’t know where to go or what to do with them. A part of me wants to wholly surrender while my saner side tells me to be happy with just being a spanko...if that is in fact what I am.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Foward Ever the Hands of the clock...

I found myself sitting here at my PC and decided it was well past time to post more to my blog. Bad me! I get so bogged down with day to day life that I forget to take time out for the simple things in it.

Today I took my kids, put them in the truck and headed out for a drive. We didn't go anywhere in specific, just enjoyed the lovely country roads and each others company. At times I find myself so frustrated at my kids because I can't seem to find any personal time, then I step back and remind myself that they will not be young forever, that there will come a day when my arms ache to hold them and they will then not have time for me. So what am I saying here? I guess, just to appriciate what we have and not take a single moment for granted, to enjoy the beauty that surrounds us in all the small details. To set aside our busy schedules for at least 5 minutes a day and appriciate the life that surrounds us.

Saturday, May 21, 2005


What defines a real friendship?

It is very easy to call a person "friend" when times are good and two people are on the same page, but what about the tough times when your companion does not agree with your thoughts and is NOT on the same page you are? Most healthy people (by this I mean with a healthy self esteem) are able to see that it's ok to have ones own opinions on things. That not everyone will see things one way.

I think a true frienship can be easily defined by how willing we are to remain friends THROUGH our hardest times and in spite of everything come out on the other side knowing we are BOTH better for it. To know that the trials we have walked through have brought us closer and allowed us another glimpse of the one we call friend.

Honesty is another BIG thing for me, if I cannot trust that a person is honest, then I will never feel comfortable enough around them to open up. Finally there is Loyalty, something that is not easy to come by. Loyalty to me, means that if one does make a mistake they will be foregiven entirely. The other side to that is, doing our best NOT to do anything that may be seen as unloyal or selfish.

Friendship is a give, give relationship, as corny as that may sound. If one person takes only, then the other is depleted and this continues until neither is very happy with the other. This type of "Friendship" will certainly either wither untill it's nonexistant or will end badly. Using another for one's own betterment is NOT a good definiton of a friend, no one WANTS to be a pawn.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Just a thought

I have found myself lately, really studying people that surround my life, chatters included. The number of people incapable of thinking past their own wants and needs is astounding to me, that they can live their lives so completely without thought for others. When does a person become like that? Is it something learned or is it inherent? Why is it not, just as easy for people to be kind? Has everyone forgotten how?

Two hundred years ago, society was not like it is today, people helped each other, cared and watched out for one another. Parents raised their kids, taught them by setting a good example and by being consistent and not ballistic with them. Neighbors spent time watching out for each other and not fighting. Life was a wonderful high all on it's own, there was no use for poisons we put into our bodies everyday now. What caused this change through time? More importantly, can it be stopped or at least slowed.

Two hundred years ago when you called a person your friend, you had faith in that person and trust. Now "trust" is a very rare and special gift, not often found or kept. People are so interested in what is best for themselves that they don't take the time to SEE anyone around them, nor do they see how much they are hurting others. They charge into a situation with one thought in mind...ME!

Moreover, they will use anyone they can if they feel it furthers their own cause. How sad not to look around and think: What can I do to brighten someone’s day today? To think beyond ones self and reach out is probably one of our greatest gifts, so, what have so many done with theirs. What happened to the days of community and commitment to bettering humanity and constantly striving to better our selves.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005


I have found that I needed a place that I could post whatever I am feeling without fearing what others might think of me, (does that make me shollow, the fact that I do to a certain point care?) or maybe it is more that i want a place to vent what I'm feeling without offending another person. Whatever the cause may be I have found a place to do just that, say whatever is on my mind (or not on my mind..LOL) at the time. So I raise my cup to what I hope is the beginning of a daily journal. OK, weekly journal.

Content Warning:

PARENTS: BE WARNED: This blog is run by an ADULT and I CANNOT guarantee that every post will be suitable for children under the age of 18.

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