A Couple of New Pictures

This pic was drawn, scanned and coloured in Photo Shop.
This pic was also drawn, scanned and coloured in Photo Shop.

The Awakening...A Dream Revisited.

My life has been a wild roller coaster of emotions for a long time, the things I thought I wanted to do...I don't know, but a part of me just didn't feel settled with them, by them I mean, nursing and cosmetology. I am not saying I wouldn't enjoy those careers, but...Let me back up a bit.
When I got married ten years ago, I had a dream of going to a school in this area: Nossi College of Art. At the time, I couldn't go because I didn't have my GED, (or the sense to get it before I had three kids. OY!) I let my GED stand in my way for almost ten years and in that time I lost sight of that dream, in a fog, hiding from failure it lay forgotten somewhere along the way.
A few days ago I stummbled over this dream again, now that the GED has been taken and conquered there is nothing to stand in my way, no reason to box myself in. If I am going to go to school, why not go for something I have long dreamed of and believe I can do and do well. I enjoy art, I like graphics, I like to write. So, I'm going to school for this: Commercial Illustration. I haven't been this happy in a long time, gone is the loneliness that stained my soul. I feel like a kid again, waiting for Christmas morning so I could start unraveling the wonders that awaited me.
I have started filling out applications and papers, questionnaires, anything to get this dream in motion least I lose it because I might not be lucky enough to find it again, besides why wait until I'm too old to enjoy it, if I start now I still have a whole life of doing what I love ahead of me!
I would also like to have my children remember me for more that just the mom who washed their clothes and fed them. I want them to know me for the cool, artistic chick that I am just bursting to be. I want them to know me as a happy person, someone able to pass on a love for life and the ability to learn. To marvel at the wonders and beauty that surround us all.

Another New Piece...

This is a picture done completely in Photo Shop from scratch...I know she has a long way to go, but I am fairly happy with how she has turned out so far.

Thoughts...

I'm lonely. I can't explain how that is because I rarely have a moment that is mine. I just feel like there is something...somehow, not right. Broken, perhaps? Anyway, I hate this feeling and I don't really have anyone to share it with because the love of my life, the man I would die for, has been sick the last week and if I don't get a break from him, I'm going to explode. Is that horrid of me? So, that leaves me feeling like an ass for feeling that toward him and feeling lonely because there is no way I would ever say such unreasonable, harsh things to him over something that is so clearly NOT his fault. I think I'm broken. Anyone have some super glue? *insert sarcastic laughter here*
I feel like such a pussy for posting such girly, weepy shit on here. I always do, even as I type it and publish...all I really want to do is delete it, but I think just putting it out there is really the only way to get the fuck over it and get on with our fucked up little lives. :) What is that's missing in me, that thing, that allows others to breeze through life so happily? Um, excuse me, I was absent that day, I want a do over...can we try this again? LOL!
Anyway, I'm sure part of this morbid, melancholy mood is not being able to work right now...sigh...business is not busy enough. So, I'm Suzy home-maker, blah, blah, blah again. I know, I know that sounds so bad, but I have been a stay at home mom all, but 8 months of my older children's lives so far and it is very tight here at time with only J working. I LIKE working, love it even, I'm very good at making money because I'm a very hard worker and keep myself busy, but I can't seem to find that same drive at home, I stay depressed and at times grumpy and I don't like that at all. I want to be Mrs. Clever for my darling children, baking, constantly cleaning, cooking, hanging out heavy baskets of clothing and ironing...all of that stuff...and yet, I find myself sorely lacking in that area.
I have decided that I am not going into nursing, but am instead going to do what I have long wanted to do and have a lot of fun doing...Cosmetology...it comes very naturally to me and I know it is something I can always be happy doing. Knowing myself as I do, I know I would not be able to bear loosing someone. I will find out about classes as soon as I can find a moment to get over to the school.
Take care my friends...

Happy New Years !!!

Happy New Years !!!

Pool

This is another picture I drew today...

This is after rendering it in PhotoShop...

From Grapes to Wine

*This is my original drawing, scanned into my PC...

This is after rendering the original picture in PhotoShop.

*This picture is my original freehand work, I made no attempts to look at anything for reference.

New Art...

*I did two new pictures today, then scanned them into my PC and rendered them in several veriations, I hope you enjoy.




*Both original works are freehand by me and I used nothing for reference.

Merry Christmas

Today has been a wonderful, laid back, relaxed day! We woke late, (Yes, the kids too)watched the children open their gifts, had a large breakfast then watched "Polar Express" (J and I for the first time). After that we all played Yahtzee (a Christmas Gift we got for the family) the kids were a hoot! After all of the festivities we took naps and played with our new toys. All in all a beautiful day...rain and all.
I hope that all of You have had as wonderful a day as we did here.
Merry Christmas!!!

What Is Your Personality Type?

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Where Do You Belong?

You Belong in London

You belong in London, but you belong in many cities... Hong Kong, San Francisco, Sidney. You fit in almost anywhere. And London is diverse and international enough to satisfy many of your tastes. From curry to Shakespeare, London (almost) has it all!

What European City Do You Belong In?

That was on the first try, I changed one answer, (about the dessert I would choose - did I mention I don't like sweets?) and this is what I got on the second go round...

You Belong in Paris

You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris. You're the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Fading Away...

I find myself lately, simply wanting to fade away or perhaps I feel as if I'm already fading. I'm not even exactly sure what I feel, other than I don't even know myself any more. None of this makes any sense to me as I have a wonderful husband that I don't deserve and three healthy, beautiful children, a family that means more to me than life itself. So, why do I feel so fucking lonely all of the sudden? What is it inside of me that is missing? I feel numb, that's a more appropriate word than lonely, perhaps. Numb, nothing really touches me lately, as if there is this veil that keeps me from actually experiencing what is going on around me. I think my barricade of protection has turned into an insurmountable wall that now holds me inside, locked from myself and everyone around me and I have no idea how to get rid of it now that I have built it. I don't know where I'm trying to go with this line of thinking or if any of this even makes any sense, so I'll stop for now and try again to regroup my emotions, see if I can even make heads or tales of myself...

I Think I'll Dream A Journey...

I'm sitting here thinking to myself about so many topics, some have very little importance to me and others bear more weight. Right now I'm trying to push anything TOO serious to the back of my mind, I'll think about that tomorrow?
Most of the thoughts have been mere day-dreams, nothing remotely possible or feasible, just soothing beaches and adventurous jungles. Midnight rides on horse back, soaring through the clouds upon the shoulders of a dragon and slaying the evil-doer to rescue the one we love.(or have him rescue me, hey a girl has to let go of her pride sometime;)
Mostly, my thoughts roam to the future and what it will be like. Not so much in my own life, (I have a pretty good idea of how I would like that to go)but in the world as a whole. The human race, mankind...how it all works and what it will BE like.
I often wonder what new technology Medical Science will bring about, the advancements are amazing. It's kind of scary really...can anyone say "Face Off", though I seriously doubt that will ever be a plausible cause for worry, I'm sure there are just as many new studies that we should be worried about?
Anyway, I'm rambling, but I feel like rambling because I'm bored, J is sleeping and there is no one online that I would like to talk to right now :(. I really kind of miss chatting, (at times like this when I can't seem to sleep) perhaps I'll write a short story or poem or something...who knows? Perhaps I'll just drift away.......
To a steamy river in the Rain Forest, water crystal clear even in the deepest spots as I swim with only my feline friend, Thor, and My horse, Shasta, to keep me company in this deserted paradise of green, thriving plants and cool, refreshing waters.
Or perhaps I'll find myself...
In a land of myths and magic where anything you can think of, you can achieve and create, perhaps my journeys will collide and become one place...
Where ever I drift, I'm sure to find adventures untold and numerous treasures of great price, but with all my heart I hope to find nothing if not the wisdom to appreciate the journey I can create inside my mind...

I'm Amused...

The Change

I have finally switched over to the new Blogger beta and the cool thing is, the new blog I just created is now a part of this account as well! Sweet! I like almost everything about this new improved blogger, except...I finally got to where I could sort of figure how to get my blog template the way I want it and now I can't use it. Bummer, total bummer, I liked that one. Ahhh, well, back to square one. Anyway, I do like the ease of adding links to blogs I read and changing the fonts, all of that is wonderful. Hope You all have a Spetacular ThanksGiving!

...

My life has become insanely busy lately. I am up at 5am; getting the children ready to board the bus, then have baby boy (T) to day-care in time to be on the job sight by 7:30. I work there until 3:30 and then run to pick up T so I can be home in time to be there when the bus brings my daughter (I) and middle son (E) back. Next week that will differ, I will have to be at their school by 2:50 to pick them up then I'm headed to my second job until 6PM. Then homework, dinner, baths and bed...somehow I have to figure out how to fit laundry, housework and things like that in. I'm exhausted just thinking about it, but I do need the money, so I dare not complain.

Besides, I enjoy what I'm doing, I like to build things and remodel older homes. There's something to be said about using your own hands to bring an old home back to life again. I've always thought that houses were more than wood and mortar; they have a soul, have shared births and deaths, family reunions and funeral wakes. Houses hold a million secrets, wishes, dreams and sometimes-bad memories too. It always saddens me to see an old home falling down because it reminds me of the fragility of life, that we are only here for a short while and then we are merely dust and wind. I think that if you can prolong the life of an old house, you save the many memories and thus prolong the lives of those who dwelt within.

Anyway, I only said all that to explain how much I take pleasure in what I'm doing, good hard work that leaves me tired, sore and feeling as if I haven't wasted the light of day. I like the fact that I don’t have time to think so much about certain things, foolish things that I have done in the past. The skeletons don’t rattle so loudly when you’re not constantly opening old closet doors. It’s easier to forget things you were subjected to in the past as well; there is no energy to even deal with it in your dreams. Work is the cure to the past…I think.

Another Blog

I Have a new blog, you can find it here:

I can't honestly tell you why I'm making another blog with my schedule lately...call me crazy, I guess.

Anyway, Check it out if ya want...

My Baby and Me...

Random Things...

I'm extremely frustrated right now. I want so badly to see justice done just once to someone other than me! I NEVER get away with anything, (I'm a horrid liar) but when it comes to how people treat me...in the end, when push comes to shove and they don't need me around for one thing or another anymore...I end up being tossed aside, trashed...called...well, I've been called a few things lately that have really hurt. And all of this, these things I've been called is by someone I have gone out of my way to be nice to and help. I really don't understand things like this...if there is Carma...what the hell is wrong with mine and what have I done to deserve this kind of treatment?

I'm glad I have work now to keep my mind occupied, I don't really have time to think of what has been said or what is being said about me. I'm working with my Husband and His Business Partner (whom actually hired me) in construction and I like it. I enjoy building things and I don't have to deal with anyone that I don't already know. I'm very happy about this, though it is heavy work at times...I don't have to kill myself and I KNOW that neither of these two people are going to screw me over. I am content with this until I go to school and get my LPN and eventually...RN.

I'm losing weight again and it has me a bit worried, I really don't have a lot more that I can afford to lose. I'm 5' 10" tall and now only weigh in at 128. I know that is considered perfectly okay if you want to be a runway model, (actually a little heavy) but that is something I will never be, so...I'm a tad worried about it. I start to look like a skeleton at about 120, @ 110 I just look gross. I think it's because they upped the dosage of the thyroid medicine, Levoxyl, I have been taking. Hopefully it will level off again before I end up blowing away.

I put my baby boy into day care Tuesday and He didn't like that first time of me leaving him with strangers too much at all. I felt like an ass just walking off and leaving him there crying out that I please don't leave Him. The second day wasn't much better, but today he seemed to be a little more okay with it, he started playing before I walked out and I didn't hear him cry at all. I feel a little better about leaving him there now and he seems to enjoy getting to be around all the other kids his age. So, if he's happy...I'm happy.

For All Horor Movie Fans...Enjoy!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

To Hell With It...

What is it that allows people to take advantage of others? Why can't people just give a damn sometimes. Think of more than just themselves for a while. What possesses these people to take what they can and then when they don't need you anymore...to do all the damage they can, make you feel like shit and toss you away like so much rubbish. I think I have officially lost ALL hope in humanity, to hell with it.

I am DONE trying to meet and make new friends, to hell with that too. Perhaps just being a solitary soul is my destiny. I have J and He is all that I need. I think the word friend describes nothing more that smoke and fantasy. A word created to deliberately keep you reaching for something that has never nor will ever exist. To hell with it.

I DO NOT want this to sound like a poor pitiful me post because it's not. I just needed a place to vent and I guess that IS why I have a blog.

Windows To The Soul...

If Everyone Cared...

I think this song pretty much says it all.

Let Me Refer You...

My Husband J. has been blogging lately and the way His mind works amazes me, so I wanted to share His newest post with all of You who come here to read. Enjoy! You can find His blog here: A Common Man