This, That and The Other...Random Thoughts

I've been having these really weird dreams lately, very aggressive dreams. I'm not fond of them, I wake up in a state of severe anxiety, as if I slid into some twisted version of my past. Only I'm not a child in my dreams and they aren't actual occurrences, only similar in some ways. In them I'm defending myself from my mother's verbal accusations, this turns into her reaching for a belt to spank (read: flail) me. At this point, I flip out, I TRY to hit her, I DO. I swing and it connects, but it's barely a tap and it only angers her more...are you seeing the cycle here? By the end of the dream I'm fighting frantically, and though I don't physically struggle anymore, I wake up wanting to. Wanting to call out...in frustration, anger and the fear of what I WANT to do in this dream as everyone I know and love sit by and allow this to happen. I wake desperately in need of shedding my own skin. I can usually go back to sleep and be fine, but there are nights when I close my eyes to the same dream...taking up where it left off.

Please, tell me this is not some sign of insanity. I think that is my biggest fear in life, finding out that I'm not sane. Being hauled away to a small white room, padded, no windows and tall ceilings with dimly lit can lighting. My mind shudders away from even the idea of the confinement found inside a straight-jacket. Speaking of straight-jackets, has anyone seen "The Jacket"? Staring Adrien Brody, Keira Knightley, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Kelly Lynch, Kris Kristofferson ...it's well worth watching. I also just watched "Final Destination 3". I believe it is my favorite of the three. I'm a dork I know, but I love those types of movies. Though I was never fond of "Scream", any of them.

So, back to the REAL world...I've dropped off numerous applications and have yet to get a call back. Gotta love small towns with high population and not nearly enough jobs or people who care enough to let go of some of their daddy's hard earned cash and create places for work. Unless of course I want to sit in a line all day and like a robot, place plastic parts on a moving line so they can be neatly painted and packaged (what the hell is up with packaging these days anyway?!?!) to be sold for four times what they're worth while I'm payed a minor sum of what they(the label companies) keep by distributing their cheap merchandise. Anyway, sorry about my little rampage there, and I mean NO offence to anyone who might work in a factory. (Bravo for having a JOB!) I haven't had a good nights sleep in a couple of nights and that makes me CRANKY!

On the up side to my weird dreams, I have some ideas for a picture floating through my head. I have a rough sketch and have been running it through my mind wondering how I can actually get what I want. I usually tend to stick with mostly realistic pictures, but to achieve what I want, I think it may look more like a cartoon, perhaps a bit like anime, though I've only tried my hand at that a few (not very successfully, I might add) times in the past. I also have a bit of a story brewing in my head, well a part of an idea for a story.

She held the vial above the ornament and watched as the liquid caught her eyes in its reflection. The image would stay in her memories forever, the image frozen, the drop frozen in motion. Her stomach flipped at the idea that this moment may forever change the way she looked at the world around her, her choices, HER. The liquid landed on the sharp, shiny object and she closed the vial, slipping it back into her pocket as she picked up a tray of festive treats and headed back... They would be waiting for her.

Anyway, it might be something along those lines, ideas are still forming and it is far past time that I should be in bed...sleeping. Good night my friends. Sweet dreams...