28...

Today.

A Work In Progress...

This is a very rough picture, an idea I keep seeing in my mind. I have a few things i would like to try...to better achieve the look I was going for when I drew this. I'll keep them posted on here. I would SO love to have art classes or the experience from them right now!

This, That and The Other...Random Thoughts

I've been having these really weird dreams lately, very aggressive dreams. I'm not fond of them, I wake up in a state of severe anxiety, as if I slid into some twisted version of my past. Only I'm not a child in my dreams and they aren't actual occurrences, only similar in some ways. In them I'm defending myself from my mother's verbal accusations, this turns into her reaching for a belt to spank (read: flail) me. At this point, I flip out, I TRY to hit her, I DO. I swing and it connects, but it's barely a tap and it only angers her more...are you seeing the cycle here? By the end of the dream I'm fighting frantically, and though I don't physically struggle anymore, I wake up wanting to. Wanting to call out...in frustration, anger and the fear of what I WANT to do in this dream as everyone I know and love sit by and allow this to happen. I wake desperately in need of shedding my own skin. I can usually go back to sleep and be fine, but there are nights when I close my eyes to the same dream...taking up where it left off.

Please, tell me this is not some sign of insanity. I think that is my biggest fear in life, finding out that I'm not sane. Being hauled away to a small white room, padded, no windows and tall ceilings with dimly lit can lighting. My mind shudders away from even the idea of the confinement found inside a straight-jacket. Speaking of straight-jackets, has anyone seen "The Jacket"? Staring Adrien Brody, Keira Knightley, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Kelly Lynch, Kris Kristofferson ...it's well worth watching. I also just watched "Final Destination 3". I believe it is my favorite of the three. I'm a dork I know, but I love those types of movies. Though I was never fond of "Scream", any of them.

So, back to the REAL world...I've dropped off numerous applications and have yet to get a call back. Gotta love small towns with high population and not nearly enough jobs or people who care enough to let go of some of their daddy's hard earned cash and create places for work. Unless of course I want to sit in a line all day and like a robot, place plastic parts on a moving line so they can be neatly painted and packaged (what the hell is up with packaging these days anyway?!?!) to be sold for four times what they're worth while I'm payed a minor sum of what they(the label companies) keep by distributing their cheap merchandise. Anyway, sorry about my little rampage there, and I mean NO offence to anyone who might work in a factory. (Bravo for having a JOB!) I haven't had a good nights sleep in a couple of nights and that makes me CRANKY!

On the up side to my weird dreams, I have some ideas for a picture floating through my head. I have a rough sketch and have been running it through my mind wondering how I can actually get what I want. I usually tend to stick with mostly realistic pictures, but to achieve what I want, I think it may look more like a cartoon, perhaps a bit like anime, though I've only tried my hand at that a few (not very successfully, I might add) times in the past. I also have a bit of a story brewing in my head, well a part of an idea for a story.

She held the vial above the ornament and watched as the liquid caught her eyes in its reflection. The image would stay in her memories forever, the image frozen, the drop frozen in motion. Her stomach flipped at the idea that this moment may forever change the way she looked at the world around her, her choices, HER. The liquid landed on the sharp, shiny object and she closed the vial, slipping it back into her pocket as she picked up a tray of festive treats and headed back... They would be waiting for her.

Anyway, it might be something along those lines, ideas are still forming and it is far past time that I should be in bed...sleeping. Good night my friends. Sweet dreams...

Just a Few Pictures

Wanting More and Moving On...

Is there ever a time in your life when you wonder...Is there more? What am I missing? AM I missing anything?

This thought has passed through my mind more than a little lately. It makes me a bit uncomfortable and I guess that's a good thing. It's time to move forward with my life, it's just not fulfilling anymore. I'm tired of standing still, waiting, I'm ready to go! I think that if we stay in one place too long we get way comfortable and I think I did that for a while, but it's not enough any more.

I'm itchy in my own skin if that makes any sense at all and there are little tell-tale signs too. I want do things I know aren't really fulfilling, they only appear that way for the moment and then you wake to realise that your life is all fucked up. No, Thanks. I'm NOT going down THAT road again, it nearly killed me the last time.

So, as I see it...I only have one option: Move on with my life. My search for a job is turning out to be a huge frustration and inconvenience as I cant seem to find a job and daycare schedule that will work together with getting in home in time to get my children off the bus. ARGHHHHHH! I really, really want, no, need to get back to work. My search for employment goes on.

On that note, I have much to do around here...Have a fabulous weekend!

May We Never Forget Those We Lost That Day and Those Whom We Did Not...

For those who lost their lives that day, five years to be exact.

For those who survived that day, and are able to look back.

For every family who lost someone, a father, sister or son.

Let every one here today remember what they’ve done.

They bravely strove to give that day, to save both foe and friend.

No thoughts of selfishness remained among these women and men.

Those lost to us on that tragic day, the Eleventh of September.

Will live on for forever in the hearts of those who remember.