Secrets of the Mist

I wave my hand and clear the mist that hides a special place. A place of fantasy and myth, of a journey through time and space.
Where fairies fly on wings of silk above a carefree land while many little water nymphs dream of walking on the sand.
I wonder through this world of mine so full of all my dreams Where dragons fly over mountains high, on scaly golden wings.
The fish they take your breath away with their ability to walk, but it does not faze you, not a bit to find roses that can talk.
I wander through this magical place with power to change all I see. The power lays inside my mind, in a flight of fantasy.

My life has been extremely busy lately and oddly enough I haven't really had a lot to say. I'm here, posting, and yet I don't really know where I'm going with this post or if it even has a point. If it did, I guess it would just be this: I'm alive and well and very busy with the mundane, waiting for school to start. Perhaps mundane is too negative a word to use, maybe redundant is a better word to describe my life right now. I feel as if I'm just idling, all geared up and ready to go...revving my engine only to find the track isn't open to me yet. Pure will is keeping me from becoming moody and I find the more I will myself to be excited about getting my home and family ready for this (My family has never really had to deal with me not being around, I'm a stay at home mom at the moment.) experience, the happier I become. All in all, my life is not bad at all. Happy Hump Day!

Here Are A Few Things...

I have been working with in Photo Shop lately. Mostly, just fun practice. The last is my favorite, the layering turned out pretty cool, I think.

Have a rockin rest of the week!

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

This is my newest piece, created completely in Photo Shop 7.0 and Paint Shop Pro 8.

My Fine Is $440.00

This is some funny stuff. Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine. When you are done post this as "My fine is $____". You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked pot -- $10
Dropped acid -- $5
Ever had sex in a church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person next to you -- $40
Had sex for money -- $100
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat someone up -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Cross dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed someone without knowing their name -- $10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever driven while drunk-- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Gone skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Given oral -- $5
Received oral -- $5
Given/Received oral in a moving vehicle -- $25
Stolen something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex --$25
Stolen something worth more than a hundred dollars-- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 --$25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time-- $50
Said you love someone, but didn't mean it -- $25
Been streaking -- $5
Streaked in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $5
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with, while at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Extremely Excited...

Today J was at a sign shop (Extreme Signs) and started talking to the guy who runs it about my want to do graphics and guess what! I'm working on a business logo for him, if he likes it he will use it and I will get paid. I have a few other things in the works with him that I will be able to share more about with you guys later on. I think it's okay to say it has to do with vinyl and graphics. I am so excited and have been working on logos for hours now, I am headed to bed, but wanted to share my news.

Sweet Dreams All...

Tid bits...

I'm truly digging the new Evanescence Songs, it's about time! Love "Sweet Sacrifice". It Rocks!

Hmmm...

I'm so board right now, I should be and will get up to clean in few minutes, but I am going to try and post more often...even if it is rubbish like this.
I went back to A.I. last night and took the whole family. At first the kids were not at all happy about going all the way to the other side of Nashville, it's and hour and a half drive, (yeah, for the commute!) but they thought it was awesome once they actually saw the School. They got to do the whole tour and were even allowed into the computer labs to play around a little bit. I think it was good for them because they seem to be a little more alright with the idea of me going to school now.
Well, I'm off to clean now, may post more later...

I haven't had a lot to say lately, so...

I'm sharing some art, that's basically what I try to do, when I'm not cleaning house or taking care of the children, I draw or mess around on the PC, trying to cultivate my creative side...

The picture you see above is a screen-shot frame from an Evanescence Video (Amy Lee) that I rendered in Photo Shop, below is the outcome. This is an older piece of mine, I have it on my art-only-blog so, I decided to move it here as I'm actually pretty happy with the way it turned out. I especially like her eyes and the soft, elvish quality the filters created.

This and That...

I have been working on some stuff in Photo Shop, it's far from complete and has much to be desired, but alas it is only for practice so I'm not too worried about it. Working with the layers through trail and error has been loads of fun...lol. Those of you whom use PS know what i mean. Hell, i can hardly act as though I know what I'm doing other than stumbling through, but hey! It's fun! Mostly these are only for practice on layering and to see what I can do with fonts. Anyway, without any further delay, I present one of the two pictures I'm currently working on... Have a wonderful week!

It's Thursday and...

The weather is beautiful, Spring is here at last and The children are out enjoying the gorgeous day. We have been out all week, hiking, biking and just enjoying nature. I am ready to begin summer time activities, ready to slough off the heavy dregs of winter and open my windows and doors once more inviting the life of Spring into my home and heart!

I love the life that this time of year seems to bring to everything. Even the air smells fresher, the wind briskly bringing the fresh scent of flowers and greenery. It is time to live in the sun again, gone are the gray and heavy skies that are synonymous to winter, the weighted clothing and dark colors. Let everything sparkle anew!

I hope that all of You, my friends are out and enjoying Yourselves as much as We are here!

Stay the Course...

Round and round and upside down jump through hoops and watch them.
Hurry up and rush ahead and don't lose yourself on the way out. Knowing,
one last turn could lead you back to where you've never been before.
And then what? Hmmm? Do you then just keep driving making a turn where
the road allows. And your final destination, will it ever come to you if
you do? They sat it can be done by those who will. Does that mean anyone
can do it? I'd say not, though not because it can't be.

May As Well Join Them...

Alright Blu, RockDog, here is my Visual DNA thingy...
Damn the peer pressure!!!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Now and Then...

It really doesn't matter where I happen to be once it enters my mind it's all I think about. My mind tingles with excitement, perking with anticipation and I long for time to pass just a little more quickly between now and then. I try to keep myself occupied to help the time pass, but as tired as I am at the end of the day, my mind is on overdrive and refuses to shut down. I can only think of four other events in my life that have given me as much anticipation as this one. My wedding day being one and the due dates of each of my kids. I'm so looking forward to advancing and creating a career that I can love for myself, I really think this will help me to see me in a better light, ya know? I have to write a 150 word essay for the day that I go back to The Art Institute, then I'll fill out all the applications, reserving my seat for August 16th.

Other random things going on in my life include but are not limited to:
*Loosing weight again just as I get back up a little, I drop right back down, but I'm not going to worry about it too much, I have too many other things flying through my busy brain and that's probably why.
*My three year old explaining to me in very big boy terms that He was no longer my baby.
*My middle child deciding to just not do anything if He can get away with it. He is so bright that it really bothers me He is so lazy.
*My daughter is about to go through puberty,(is that okay to say on here?) that alone is terrifying. I haven't a clue, my mother just ignored it all until the night before my wedding. I know I can't do that, it's just not right. I know I can make it through this...

Anyway, just boring everyday, life stuff that happens in life. It all just seems to be in slow motion right now, though I know that will not be so for long, sooner than I care to think, I will be in a panic to make sure I have everything ready to go to school. Hmmm, am I really looking forward to that part? Yep! I'm looking forward to every step in this amazing learning adventure!

Happy Hump Day My Friends...

Isn't she BEAUTIFUL!

Learning, Always...

Why do humans make things so much harder than they really have to be? Why is it that it can take a lifetime for some people to learn something that takes another person only years to figure out and others seem to be born with it? I know that we learn at our own pace and of course that is perfectly natural, but it seems as if there should be some things that just come imprinted into our genes. Perhaps there was at one time? Or, maybe it's still there and we just forgot how to tap into it? I don't know, but somehow, it's been lost to most of the population. Its been replaced though, or perhaps a stronger gene has taken over...who knows? My point is that people just don't care anymore. About anything, really...well, most don't anyway, there is that few somewhere out there that still do. Honestly, I don't think people realize just how selfish they are at times.

In fact, I don't think that people really think about things in those terms anymore. It really has become an every woman/man for him/her-self world, you do what you have to do so you can survive. I don't think people, for the most part, go through life looking for a way to screw someone over. I do think that people end up doing very selfish and insensitive things to get what they think they need or "deserve" at a moment and end up hurting others. I think that is why it is so hard to find a person to whom you can give your trust, to put your heart into that person's hand and say "Here, I'm giving you my heart to do will as you please. My heart means a lot to me, it's my life, all of who I am." There aren't many out there that I would want to even chance that with anymore.

This is where I have trouble because I'm an all or nothing type person, meaning: I don't know how to only be a half friend or only love someone this------much, only let them this-------------close, so that I will be protected. My friend K and T (someone we hope we can call a friend) were all talking about this today. Learning the difference between loving someone enough to see past their bullshit and letting someone use your big heart to get what they want. Where do you draw the line? When is enough, enough? We talked about this for a long time and it was nice to see that as far as the three of us...we are pretty much on the same page.

It was nice to sit and talk about things like this without anyone feeling like fingers were being pointed, just that we were stating our opinions. It's good to be on the same page as someone else, even though the words are written out a little differently through each set of eyes. I feel as if I am growing a lot lately, in many areas of my life and it makes me feel wonderful, makes me want to learn more so I can grow more and become the person that I know I can be. It makes me want to be a better person in all aspects of my life. That's a good thing.

Hope you all have a great week...

I Think I Figured it Out!

I have been playing hell with my PC lately and I THINK I finally figured out why. At least I hope I have. However, I still can't seem to get blogger to upload a pic for me! Grrrrrrrrr! It's not really a picture of anything, more a practice picture so I could work on Texts, fonts and filters...things of that nature.

Anyway, I thought since I did do the text pic, if anyone cared to continue on with what they think happens next...feel free!

Random Things...

This weekend has been okay, I guess. Things can always be worse, right? Actually I have had much worse, this was more mental stress than anything else. I have far too much going on in my mind right now, that's all. School being foremost in my mind next to making sure the house is in complete order before I start my classes and a couple of other things that are messing with my head.
Knowing that I have to wait until August isn't making any of this easier, but I know that it will go by faster than it actually seems to and then I will be nervous about having everything ready in time to start...it's a cycle I tell ya! lol, funny how the mind works isn't it.
I hope everyone has a great week...

Art Institute of Tennessee-Nashville

Wednesday night I went to the Art Institute of Tennessee-Nashville and talked to an Admission Director. She was very nice and helpful. She looked at my art and said she was impressed, I was blown away, it was a real confidence booster for me. I'm so excited I feel like a kid again!
I have decided that it would be best to still go and check out Nossi, I want to see what is out there, I don't want to limit myself in any way. Though I must say I was really impressed with the School. It's small, but nice, modern and not hard to get to, though it is an hours drive away in one direction. *Sigh. Of course, so is Nossi.
It looks as if I wont start until August 16, 2007, but I think I can wait until then! That's a good time anyway, my kids will ALL be in school, even the youngest will be old enough by then to be in Head-Start. Then, I get to start down the road to my career...Graphic Design!

An Old Favorite...

Shel Silverstein (September 25, 1930 – May 10, 1999)...Was a genious when it came to writing moralistic (is that a word? it is now:) stories and poetry. The following is one of my favorites. I still get a little teary eyed when I read it, to see a story of such complete giving and surrender, complete love for another...
The Giving Tree
Once there was a giving tree who loved a little boy. And everyday the boy would come to play Swinging from the branches, sleeping in the shade Laughing all the summer’s hours away. And so they love, Oh, the tree was happy. Oh, the tree was glad.
But soon the boy grew older and one day he came and said, "Can you give me some money, tree, to buy something I’ve found?" "I have no money," said the tree, "Just apples, twigs and leaves." "But you can take my apples, boy, and sell them in the town." And so he did and Oh, the tree was happy. Oh, the tree was glad.
But soon again the boy came back and he said to the tree, "I’m now a man and I must have a house that’s all my home." "I can’t give you a house" he said, "The forest is my house." "But you may cut my branches off and build yourself a home" And so he did. Oh, the tree was happy. Oh, the tree was glad.
And time went by and the boy came back with sadness in his eyes. "My life has turned so cold," he says, "and I need sunny days." "I’ve nothing but my trunk," he says, "But you can cut it down And build yourself a boat and sail away." And so he did and Oh, the tree was happy. Oh, the tree was glad.
And after years the boy came back, both of them were old. "I really cannot help you if you ask for another gift." "I’m nothing but an old stump now. I’m sorry but I’ve nothing more to give" "I do not need very much now, just a quiet place to rest," The boy, he whispered, with a weary smile. "Well", said the tree, "An old stump is still good for that." "Come, boy", he said, "Sit down, sit down and rest a while." And so he did and Oh, the trees was happy. Oh, the tree was glad.
-- Shel Silverstein



Thank You Shel...

Alive!

I know, I know, it has been a while since I have actually posted a real entry here. I have been a bit overwhelmed in my life. I'm trying to get my home into a more functional state before I start school, IF I get to start school this upcoming semester, in April. That and the fact: If I can't find a job things will be different around here for a while, namely no Internet or anything that is not a NECCESITY. Not to mention I need to have money to pay for day care so I can go to school. It's a vicious cycle I tell you.
Wow, I got up to do one quick thing and now, about eight hours later I finally am able to sit back down and continue typing. Today has been a long day and I find myself very tired, though I am not quite ready to go to bed yet. I have been battling pneumonia and it's not going away easily. Anyway, just wanted to post and let all of my friends know I am still alive.

A Couple of New Pictures

This pic was drawn, scanned and coloured in Photo Shop.
This pic was also drawn, scanned and coloured in Photo Shop.

The Awakening...A Dream Revisited.

My life has been a wild roller coaster of emotions for a long time, the things I thought I wanted to do...I don't know, but a part of me just didn't feel settled with them, by them I mean, nursing and cosmetology. I am not saying I wouldn't enjoy those careers, but...Let me back up a bit.
When I got married ten years ago, I had a dream of going to a school in this area: Nossi College of Art. At the time, I couldn't go because I didn't have my GED, (or the sense to get it before I had three kids. OY!) I let my GED stand in my way for almost ten years and in that time I lost sight of that dream, in a fog, hiding from failure it lay forgotten somewhere along the way.
A few days ago I stummbled over this dream again, now that the GED has been taken and conquered there is nothing to stand in my way, no reason to box myself in. If I am going to go to school, why not go for something I have long dreamed of and believe I can do and do well. I enjoy art, I like graphics, I like to write. So, I'm going to school for this: Commercial Illustration. I haven't been this happy in a long time, gone is the loneliness that stained my soul. I feel like a kid again, waiting for Christmas morning so I could start unraveling the wonders that awaited me.
I have started filling out applications and papers, questionnaires, anything to get this dream in motion least I lose it because I might not be lucky enough to find it again, besides why wait until I'm too old to enjoy it, if I start now I still have a whole life of doing what I love ahead of me!
I would also like to have my children remember me for more that just the mom who washed their clothes and fed them. I want them to know me for the cool, artistic chick that I am just bursting to be. I want them to know me as a happy person, someone able to pass on a love for life and the ability to learn. To marvel at the wonders and beauty that surround us all.

Another New Piece...

This is a picture done completely in Photo Shop from scratch...I know she has a long way to go, but I am fairly happy with how she has turned out so far.

Thoughts...

I'm lonely. I can't explain how that is because I rarely have a moment that is mine. I just feel like there is something...somehow, not right. Broken, perhaps? Anyway, I hate this feeling and I don't really have anyone to share it with because the love of my life, the man I would die for, has been sick the last week and if I don't get a break from him, I'm going to explode. Is that horrid of me? So, that leaves me feeling like an ass for feeling that toward him and feeling lonely because there is no way I would ever say such unreasonable, harsh things to him over something that is so clearly NOT his fault. I think I'm broken. Anyone have some super glue? *insert sarcastic laughter here*
I feel like such a pussy for posting such girly, weepy shit on here. I always do, even as I type it and publish...all I really want to do is delete it, but I think just putting it out there is really the only way to get the fuck over it and get on with our fucked up little lives. :) What is that's missing in me, that thing, that allows others to breeze through life so happily? Um, excuse me, I was absent that day, I want a do over...can we try this again? LOL!
Anyway, I'm sure part of this morbid, melancholy mood is not being able to work right now...sigh...business is not busy enough. So, I'm Suzy home-maker, blah, blah, blah again. I know, I know that sounds so bad, but I have been a stay at home mom all, but 8 months of my older children's lives so far and it is very tight here at time with only J working. I LIKE working, love it even, I'm very good at making money because I'm a very hard worker and keep myself busy, but I can't seem to find that same drive at home, I stay depressed and at times grumpy and I don't like that at all. I want to be Mrs. Clever for my darling children, baking, constantly cleaning, cooking, hanging out heavy baskets of clothing and ironing...all of that stuff...and yet, I find myself sorely lacking in that area.
I have decided that I am not going into nursing, but am instead going to do what I have long wanted to do and have a lot of fun doing...Cosmetology...it comes very naturally to me and I know it is something I can always be happy doing. Knowing myself as I do, I know I would not be able to bear loosing someone. I will find out about classes as soon as I can find a moment to get over to the school.
Take care my friends...

Happy New Years !!!