In My Whole Life Right Now!

I know, I know...I need to come up with something interesting to say and going to school one would think I would be able to do that, but I'm drawing a blank here folks. Performance anxiety perhaps? I did write a couple of stories for my creative writing class that I thought about sharing, but they are oh so boring, not at all the steamy stories that I know everyone likes to read so I'll skip out on those! One was about where the light goes when it goes out and the other was about Humpty Dumpty and how he really died. Yes, folks this is what I'm paying to learn! ; ) Though, I have to admit I do love my creative writing class!

I guess I would have to say that anatomy has been my favorite class, of course who doesn't like looking at nearly naked women posing for hours in all kinds of lovely, twisted about fashions! There was a guy that posed but he wasn't wearing boots and a hat so....whatever!

On the horizon, in the hopefully not too distant future I (we, the family) might be buying 25 acres in the most lovely, wonderful out of the way piece of property and I am SO ready to be back in the middle of nature. To commune with trees and animals rather than the pee-pulling-pecker-headed-people that call this planet home! (I mean that in the best way possible of course!) It is beautiful and remote, there is a huge swimming hole and an absolutely perfect place for me to go fish. We will also be right near some family and will be working together to build a viable farm...horses, cows...the hole damn barnyard I guess!

Anyway, I'm stoked and have to try and contain myself, not get my hopes up too much until we get the house we are in now sold (all fingers crossed!) Anyway, I'm off of here to get some things done around the house before I go to work!

Hope You All have a great week!

Time to check in...

(This is not mine, but a pic I found online and liked!)

I tried like hell to have a Live Journal blog for my school projects, but it's all messed up there...as far as passwords and such. I opened an account there, posted to my blog and everything...then when I tried to get back on there and leave a response to a comment (So sorry Sage!)...it wouldn't let me sign back in. It tells me that there is no account and I know for a fact that I'm signing in correctly, so I guess that one will sit there and rot! I'll just re-add the blog I've already created here at blogger for school blogging...or hell, I just might keep all that here.

Though I'm not sure...still trying to figure out if I really want this blog to be known by those I attend school with. It might cut into the amount of freedom I have to speak my mind here.

School is going well BTW...though it really sucks to have to drive a little over one hundred miles a day to attend. Especially with the price of gas these days! It's really draining us. It's worth it though because I'm loving it!

Sorry it's been so long, my life has just really been consumed...with so many things...more to come on those things later when I know that it's legally ok to talk about it.

Hope You all have a bitchin' weekend!!!

Riding the Barrel!

I have told you all about working at the farm, well yesterday I took T (my 5 year old...he just got out for summer break) out there with me. We had a blast. I bought a memory card for my camera and took it with me...This is one of the videos I took. S and N finally talked T into riding on the bull training barrel, he had a blast. The guy with the cowboy hat (N) runs the farm/ranch and the other guy is my brother-in-law... S. They also talked me into getting up there, but I wasn't about to let anyone video that. LOL!

While I'm not a huge fan of country music, this is one of my favorite country songs and I thought it fitting as he was really afraid to get up there, but did it anyway. I know it's not the best shooting, but I would say not too terrible for a first try. I'm also still figuring out all the ins and outs of editing video...anyway I thought I would see what you all think of it anyway.

My Little Elfling...

My daughter wanted me to take a picture today, she wanted to be an ice princess...I ended up playing around with it in Photo Shop. This is how it turned out...



I have some more work to do on the ears and eyes, but I'm happy with what I have done up to this point...

The New Year...

Is upon us, once again and it's the time of year that people are making resolutions...

I too have thought about changes I would like to bring about in my life, number one being to get myself into school this year if it kills us all! Of course I'm not going to kill anyone, but this is very important to me and I think it will greatly change (for the better) some of the opinions I have of myself. Speaking of changing opinions, that's another thing I am going to do this year, work on how I see myself, because I know that no matter what anyone else thinks (and I do respect many of your opinions), weather good or bad, it will never mean as much to me and I will never gain anything from those opinions if I don't see myself from a healthy perspective. Enough said, those are my resolutions for 2008!

January 1st, 2008 is a very special day to me, it marks the eleventh year that Jay and I have been married. Some times it only seems like yesterday that we stood in a church and said our vows, others, it would seem another lifetime, funny, how time works. I feel like the most incredibly blessed woman in the world and at times find myself lacking the words to explain how he still makes me feel, though, cherished, loved and safe pop into mind instantly when I think of him. All I really know is that He makes me want to be a better person, for myself, for him, for our children...and that can never be a bad thing! Thank you Jay for coming into my life...I love You!

I know, I know, this all sounds very emotionally mushy and stuff, but as much as I hate to admit it, I am a woman and prone to emotional outbreaks from time to time, so get over it! lol!

I hope that You all ring in a safe and Happy New Year!

The Gift...

The holidays have been wonderful this year, especially after receiving a gift I've wanted for years! A camera.

This camera...

I've been snapping pictures of unsuspecting victims (family/friends/animals/trees...pretty much anything that will stay still long enough for me to shoot!) all week. Here are a few that I really like...

This is Tony(our youngest, 4), while it looks like he fell off a bike, this wasn't the case, he was actually upset because he got a remote control truck and the battery was taking too long to charge. I wish he'd been smiling, but I like the way this turned out never the less.

This is Eli (He'll be 8 Jan. 6th, the middle child), he was out playing and I got him to stop a second to catch this shot, another that I really like.

And this is of the neighbor's cat, I'm not a huge fan of cats, but I like the coloration of this animal, so I caught it sitting still and got this...

I hope to figure out soon how to get the pictures onto the computer without them becoming so huge!

I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season so far and wish you all a spectacular new year!

Remember when....

I said...
"I am also so ecstatic about what’s going on with our house! We are renovating…if I had a camera I would be taking pictures of all this to show you guys, but alas I do not, perhaps J will get me one for Christmas ; ) That would be mega cool!"

Well, I have the coolest husband in the world! He got me a camera, a really nice one too! (Must put BJ on my list of things to give Him!) So, I started taking pictures already and have some of the addition that was once the carport, now, taking on the shape of a room. I'm SO excited. We swapped gifts last night as he thought it would be nice to have a camera for the holidays, ya know! I didn't argue at all, I thought it was one of the finest ideas he's come up with yet...lol!
Anywho, here are the pics!

(This will be the theater room when it's all closed in.)

(Double doors that I've wanted so long!)

(From inside the theater room looking out through the not yet finished walls.)

There are sure to be more soon!

Have a wonderful Christmas!

The holiday musings of a mad woman...

I have decided that I am the grinch, all this talk of lovely memories; happy holidays, Christmas long past and such make my toes curl...

It's not the holiday itself per se, I guess, but the stress of buying, shopping, buying, searching and did I mention buying? I'm such a guy when it comes to shopping; I hate it!

I am excited to see the reaction on my children's faces this year though, we are getting them each their own game system (probably a PS2 each, for the older two and perhaps a V Smile for our 4 year old) and I know they are going to freak, but in a good way. This will be their first game system and I think they'll love them!

I am also so ecstatic about what’s going on with our house! We are renovating…if I had a camera I would be taking pictures of all this to show you guys, but alas I do not, perhaps J will get me one for Christmas ; ) That would be mega cool!

Anyway, about the house…we are turning the carport into a family room and Theater room, the ultimate man room, I’m going to get pictures of it somehow for you guys when he finishes it. With what he has in mind I’m sure that this house will be the hang out place for all the kids of the neighborhood…just lovely…lol! We are also ripping up all the carpet and putting in wood and tile floors throughout the house, can’t wait for that to be complete, no more pesky carpet stains!

I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Family and Friends...

Isn't this so true!

I hope...

You all had a very Happy Thanksgiving Day!

Still Kicking...

Ok, so it's been a long time without me posting anything or just silly space fillers to let you guys know that I am indeed still alive and kicking. I have been in search of a job, but the more I think about it, the more I think I want to create my own job. I'm tired of busting MY ass to line some loser's pockets for them. I also figure this will allow me more options on going to school and having all that work out. I have talked about this with a friend I have known from about 12 years old. We work really well together and both feel the same about busting our asses for basicaly nothing. Anyway, wish me luck.

On the home front, my 4 year old is NOT into going to head_start at all. He hates to see me leave and flips out. I can hear him screaming all the way to my van out in the parking lot if he happens to catch me before I can sneak out the back door. He is fine so long as he doesn't see me leaving, but god help all of it doesn't work out that way! My 7 year old isn't liking school this year either, but that is because he is lazy and doesn't want to do the work all he wants is to play, play, play! Get over it kid...life isn't at all like that! He also doesn't react well to his teacher's in his face approach, he's like me if someone gets in my face, I shut down and they will get exactly not a damn thing from me. Geez! Then there is my daughter...oh how I like my daughter, my sweet little A+ student that 9 times out of 10 will have her work done before she gets on the bus to head home. Now if she would put as much effort into keeping her room clean...

My husband is of course as always so good to us, works so hard and wants only to show us how much he cares. I wouldn't trade all the gold in the world for him, thank you J for being mine!

Well, I think I have run out of things to say and it's about time to go get T from head start so I'm going to mosey on now, but I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Although the world is full of suffering; It is equally full of overcoming it!: Helen Keller

Allow Me to Introduce...

I don't think you have ever been introduced to my family, I'm not sure why I've waited so long to do this, perhaps it was what this blog originally started out as had nothing to do with my kids and I wanted to be sure people understood that, but it has drifted away from that part of my life and is now more focused on my family, dreams and goals and I'm happy of that. Not that I don't still cling to certain proclivities, but I feel that perhaps, some things are better left unsaid, or at least said less often.



This is my husband 34, and myself...28 years old. We have been married 10 years, 6 months, 12 days, 1 hour and 37 minutes. I'm so in love with Him and feel blessed beyond words to have Him in my life.



This is my daughter and the eldest of my children at 8 years old. This one will go far in life, she is a strong willed and determined young lady. She knows exactly what she wants and how she wants it and will settle for nothing less. While these are admirable traits, they also keep me on my toes. I'm also proud to say that my girl was an Honor Roll student again this whole school year!



This is my middle child and oldest son, 7 years old. This child has a heart as big as the world and it is made of solid gold. He aims to please, and he is so smart, I know he can do absolutely anything he chooses too. Now, if I could find a way to get him motivated and excited about school and cleaning his room...lol!



This is the youngest of my boys, he just turned 4 in April. This little red head is a fire ball! He can be so sweet when he wants to, he is also very intelligent and can't wait to get into Head-Start this coming August.

Que Sera, Sera...

Well, school is officially out and I have all 3 (8,7 & 4 years old) of my kids + my best friend's son, he is 9 years old. This makes for a full day, I am up by 7:30 am to let K's son in, feed him breakfast and get him settled down to watch cartoons or movies until my three are up, then I lay back down, mess around on the PC or just enjoy the quiet until mine wake. They believe in sleeping in as late as they can in the summer, they are up at 5:45 every day for school and appreciate being able to lounge. This works well while I'm watching Kade because he like to be alone and is happy to let my kids sleep and just watch TV, then when the other kids get up I get them fed, dressed and out to play for the day and hope like hell they can get along long enough for me to get some kind of cleaning done.

As soon as possible I'm going to get my application in and talk to the manager for a job I want, I'm also keeping my fingers crossed for the full time position that will open up as soon as the sign shop opens in their new building, the guy (he works in the sign shop doing most of their signs) I'm doing logos with is going to try and get me in there. I'm hoping to get an evening job until that opens up, I need the money as well as the time away from the house, not to say this will ease the things I still have to do at home, but it will ease the frustration of being at home all the time, staring at the same walls day after day. I also like to work, I'm good at it and good at making money...the idea of soon being able to do what I love and make good money doing it thrills me like practically nothing else could.

It's been a little crazy here for me, my mind is cluttered with the want to move up in my life, I'm tired of feeling as if I'll pass through this life and not leave a mark, a real mark...in some way. I know, I have three beautiful children and a wonderful husband and that I am SO blessed to have them. I only hope that my children will remember me as a happy, loving mother and I feel like they will never know me completely as that if I'm not able to do something that makes me feel like a success.

Does that make me a selfish person? I worry. I want so much to be one of those moms that are happy to stay at home all the time, bake and keep a spotless home, but in the nine years of having children I have given up on the spotless house idea and moved on to the...Perhaps if I put them in sports and keep them busy they wont be home to mess it up phase...and that takes $$$. Making money leaves little time for baking though and so I am left to ponder...Aghhhh! I'm tired of pondering, but know that will never really change for me, I want my children to be healthy, happy and secure in themselves more than anything else in this life and that leaves me no choice but to worry about each move I make and how it will effect them.Okay, I've taken a deep breath and know that eventually with enough work and loving care it will all work out and they know they are loved if nothing else.

I think I just have so much going through my head lately that I've barely been able to sort it all and the more I think about it...the more my options, choices and problems that come with all of that...grow. So, what am I doing about it? I'm stopping to take a breather, to enjoy my kids, the warm summer sun on my skin and the cool splash of water every chance I get. I will take the necessary steps to get the ball rolling in the work and school departments, but other than that...I'm letting it go, going to stop stressing on it so much. Life doesn't stop moving, but it will slow down if you take the time to will it to and all of those problems that we deal with on a daily basis...they will be there after you stop to breath, they will probably just seem smaller and easier to deal with. I can only do my best and beyond that, que sera, sera.

My life has been extremely busy lately and oddly enough I haven't really had a lot to say. I'm here, posting, and yet I don't really know where I'm going with this post or if it even has a point. If it did, I guess it would just be this: I'm alive and well and very busy with the mundane, waiting for school to start. Perhaps mundane is too negative a word to use, maybe redundant is a better word to describe my life right now. I feel as if I'm just idling, all geared up and ready to go...revving my engine only to find the track isn't open to me yet. Pure will is keeping me from becoming moody and I find the more I will myself to be excited about getting my home and family ready for this (My family has never really had to deal with me not being around, I'm a stay at home mom at the moment.) experience, the happier I become. All in all, my life is not bad at all. Happy Hump Day!

Hmmm...

I'm so board right now, I should be and will get up to clean in few minutes, but I am going to try and post more often...even if it is rubbish like this.
I went back to A.I. last night and took the whole family. At first the kids were not at all happy about going all the way to the other side of Nashville, it's and hour and a half drive, (yeah, for the commute!) but they thought it was awesome once they actually saw the School. They got to do the whole tour and were even allowed into the computer labs to play around a little bit. I think it was good for them because they seem to be a little more alright with the idea of me going to school now.
Well, I'm off to clean now, may post more later...

It's Thursday and...

The weather is beautiful, Spring is here at last and The children are out enjoying the gorgeous day. We have been out all week, hiking, biking and just enjoying nature. I am ready to begin summer time activities, ready to slough off the heavy dregs of winter and open my windows and doors once more inviting the life of Spring into my home and heart!

I love the life that this time of year seems to bring to everything. Even the air smells fresher, the wind briskly bringing the fresh scent of flowers and greenery. It is time to live in the sun again, gone are the gray and heavy skies that are synonymous to winter, the weighted clothing and dark colors. Let everything sparkle anew!

I hope that all of You, my friends are out and enjoying Yourselves as much as We are here!

The Awakening...A Dream Revisited.

My life has been a wild roller coaster of emotions for a long time, the things I thought I wanted to do...I don't know, but a part of me just didn't feel settled with them, by them I mean, nursing and cosmetology. I am not saying I wouldn't enjoy those careers, but...Let me back up a bit.
When I got married ten years ago, I had a dream of going to a school in this area: Nossi College of Art. At the time, I couldn't go because I didn't have my GED, (or the sense to get it before I had three kids. OY!) I let my GED stand in my way for almost ten years and in that time I lost sight of that dream, in a fog, hiding from failure it lay forgotten somewhere along the way.
A few days ago I stummbled over this dream again, now that the GED has been taken and conquered there is nothing to stand in my way, no reason to box myself in. If I am going to go to school, why not go for something I have long dreamed of and believe I can do and do well. I enjoy art, I like graphics, I like to write. So, I'm going to school for this: Commercial Illustration. I haven't been this happy in a long time, gone is the loneliness that stained my soul. I feel like a kid again, waiting for Christmas morning so I could start unraveling the wonders that awaited me.
I have started filling out applications and papers, questionnaires, anything to get this dream in motion least I lose it because I might not be lucky enough to find it again, besides why wait until I'm too old to enjoy it, if I start now I still have a whole life of doing what I love ahead of me!
I would also like to have my children remember me for more that just the mom who washed their clothes and fed them. I want them to know me for the cool, artistic chick that I am just bursting to be. I want them to know me as a happy person, someone able to pass on a love for life and the ability to learn. To marvel at the wonders and beauty that surround us all.