This is a picture I did for Illustration. We had to illustrate an emotion, I got fear. It is done on 18" x 24" inch canvas in pencil, charcoal, marker, water color and acrylic paints.
I took a high res photo and brought it into Adobe Photo Shop to add a few finishing touches.
I was sitting at a friend's house about a week ago and was writing some random thoughts down as they came to me...I very rarely do this, but I think I am going to share the results with You all and just get Your take on it...
When we embrace and you pull away does my essence stay with you?
Does the heat of my body penetrate you as deeply as yours does mine?
Does your body starve for the taste of me as mine does for you?
Am I in your every dream?
Does it sting for you when we're apart?
Like it does for me?
Take me.
Embrace me.
Make me whole.
Is that sappy? Anyone want to vomit now? Lol.
So, yeah...that was random, but there, floating around in my head. Anyway.
Life is back into the full swing of its normal hectic self. I'm dying to get back out to the farm, but haven't had a chance...ahh well. I will eventually.
Not entirely sure how my home life is going around here. I'm never home and when I am, there isn't a lot I want to say.
I'm starting the enrolling process for AI of Nashville and am excited about that. (More on that later.)
Hope You all have a great week!
Is upon us, once again and it's the time of year that people are making resolutions...
I too have thought about changes I would like to bring about in my life, number one being to get myself into school this year if it kills us all! Of course I'm not going to kill anyone, but this is very important to me and I think it will greatly change (for the better) some of the opinions I have of myself. Speaking of changing opinions, that's another thing I am going to do this year, work on how I see myself, because I know that no matter what anyone else thinks (and I do respect many of your opinions), weather good or bad, it will never mean as much to me and I will never gain anything from those opinions if I don't see myself from a healthy perspective. Enough said, those are my resolutions for 2008!
January 1st, 2008 is a very special day to me, it marks the eleventh year that Jay and I have been married. Some times it only seems like yesterday that we stood in a church and said our vows, others, it would seem another lifetime, funny, how time works. I feel like the most incredibly blessed woman in the world and at times find myself lacking the words to explain how he still makes me feel, though, cherished, loved and safe pop into mind instantly when I think of him. All I really know is that He makes me want to be a better person, for myself, for him, for our children...and that can never be a bad thing! Thank you Jay for coming into my life...I love You!
I know, I know, this all sounds very emotionally mushy and stuff, but as much as I hate to admit it, I am a woman and prone to emotional outbreaks from time to time, so get over it! lol!
I hope that You all ring in a safe and Happy New Year!
Ok, so it's been a long time without me posting anything or just silly space fillers to let you guys know that I am indeed still alive and kicking. I have been in search of a job, but the more I think about it, the more I think I want to create my own job. I'm tired of busting MY ass to line some loser's pockets for them. I also figure this will allow me more options on going to school and having all that work out. I have talked about this with a friend I have known from about 12 years old. We work really well together and both feel the same about busting our asses for basicaly nothing. Anyway, wish me luck.
On the home front, my 4 year old is NOT into going to head_start at all. He hates to see me leave and flips out. I can hear him screaming all the way to my van out in the parking lot if he happens to catch me before I can sneak out the back door. He is fine so long as he doesn't see me leaving, but god help all of it doesn't work out that way! My 7 year old isn't liking school this year either, but that is because he is lazy and doesn't want to do the work all he wants is to play, play, play! Get over it kid...life isn't at all like that! He also doesn't react well to his teacher's in his face approach, he's like me if someone gets in my face, I shut down and they will get exactly not a damn thing from me. Geez! Then there is my daughter...oh how I like my daughter, my sweet little A+ student that 9 times out of 10 will have her work done before she gets on the bus to head home. Now if she would put as much effort into keeping her room clean...
My husband is of course as always so good to us, works so hard and wants only to show us how much he cares. I wouldn't trade all the gold in the world for him, thank you J for being mine!
Well, I think I have run out of things to say and it's about time to go get T from head start so I'm going to mosey on now, but I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
Although the world is full of suffering; It is equally full of overcoming it!: Helen Keller
Well, school is officially out and I have all 3 (8,7 & 4 years old) of my kids + my best friend's son, he is 9 years old. This makes for a full day, I am up by 7:30 am to let K's son in, feed him breakfast and get him settled down to watch cartoons or movies until my three are up, then I lay back down, mess around on the PC or just enjoy the quiet until mine wake. They believe in sleeping in as late as they can in the summer, they are up at 5:45 every day for school and appreciate being able to lounge. This works well while I'm watching Kade because he like to be alone and is happy to let my kids sleep and just watch TV, then when the other kids get up I get them fed, dressed and out to play for the day and hope like hell they can get along long enough for me to get some kind of cleaning done.
As soon as possible I'm going to get my application in and talk to the manager for a job I want, I'm also keeping my fingers crossed for the full time position that will open up as soon as the sign shop opens in their new building, the guy (he works in the sign shop doing most of their signs) I'm doing logos with is going to try and get me in there. I'm hoping to get an evening job until that opens up, I need the money as well as the time away from the house, not to say this will ease the things I still have to do at home, but it will ease the frustration of being at home all the time, staring at the same walls day after day. I also like to work, I'm good at it and good at making money...the idea of soon being able to do what I love and make good money doing it thrills me like practically nothing else could.
It's been a little crazy here for me, my mind is cluttered with the want to move up in my life, I'm tired of feeling as if I'll pass through this life and not leave a mark, a real mark...in some way. I know, I have three beautiful children and a wonderful husband and that I am SO blessed to have them. I only hope that my children will remember me as a happy, loving mother and I feel like they will never know me completely as that if I'm not able to do something that makes me feel like a success.
Does that make me a selfish person? I worry. I want so much to be one of those moms that are happy to stay at home all the time, bake and keep a spotless home, but in the nine years of having children I have given up on the spotless house idea and moved on to the...Perhaps if I put them in sports and keep them busy they wont be home to mess it up phase...and that takes $$$. Making money leaves little time for baking though and so I am left to ponder...Aghhhh! I'm tired of pondering, but know that will never really change for me, I want my children to be healthy, happy and secure in themselves more than anything else in this life and that leaves me no choice but to worry about each move I make and how it will effect them.Okay, I've taken a deep breath and know that eventually with enough work and loving care it will all work out and they know they are loved if nothing else.
I think I just have so much going through my head lately that I've barely been able to sort it all and the more I think about it...the more my options, choices and problems that come with all of that...grow. So, what am I doing about it? I'm stopping to take a breather, to enjoy my kids, the warm summer sun on my skin and the cool splash of water every chance I get. I will take the necessary steps to get the ball rolling in the work and school departments, but other than that...I'm letting it go, going to stop stressing on it so much. Life doesn't stop moving, but it will slow down if you take the time to will it to and all of those problems that we deal with on a daily basis...they will be there after you stop to breath, they will probably just seem smaller and easier to deal with. I can only do my best and beyond that, que sera, sera.
Wow, it's been a whole minute since I last blogged.
I'm blogging right now, quite simply, because I'm seething and need to occupy my mind for a while. Some people boggle me with their selfish and silly ways. I understand the kids need to be kind to animals and I know that my little one sometimes gets over excited with them, but he is a child and more importantly a human being. Now, let me back up and explain myself and where I'm going with this.
I have a neighbor, whom will remain nameless, and she came over to visit. She has 4 cats and worships these animals, that's great for her, I'm happy for her. Well, she was over here and my son was trying to pet our kitten and picked it up by the scruff of the neck (like a mother cat would do) and this woman went ballistic! In MY house, in front of my child! She started yelling that I should teach my children to be "nice" to animals, she then turned to yell at my child. That was it! I told her in no uncertain terms to get out of my house and stay out.
I'm not proud of the way I handled some of it, but all he did was pick up the kitten, the way I taught him to. She believes that is an inhumane way to hold the kitten. I tried to explain to her that mother cats often carry their kittens this way and that it is perfectly natural. That's when she started her tirade. Thankfully she will be moving to Florida soon. Good luck to her! I swear to all I know, I'm tired of people! It seems that the more people I meet...The less I like people. I think I'm happy to just keep my little circle of blog buddies and be done with most of the rest. If only!
On a lighter note...
I'm still excited about school and right now, I'm looking for a job to keep me busy until then. A little extra money never hurts either, so I'm getting an evening job. I'm also still doing the logo thing, though that is in all honesty moving a little slower than I had hoped. Still, I'm new to all of this and really can't expect for it to move very fast...I have SO much to learn.
I feel a tad bit better after having gotten that off my shoulders and my hands are steadily beginning to stop shaking. Perhaps I've settled just a bit. Sorry to you guys for the rant, but hell, if I can't rant here, then where???
P.S. Ladies, if you haven't been over to Angel Feathers Tickle Me you should go check out her latest post Imagine A Woman. It is absolutely beautiful!
My life has been extremely busy lately and oddly enough I haven't really had a lot to say. I'm here, posting, and yet I don't really know where I'm going with this post or if it even has a point. If it did, I guess it would just be this: I'm alive and well and very busy with the mundane, waiting for school to start. Perhaps mundane is too negative a word to use, maybe redundant is a better word to describe my life right now. I feel as if I'm just idling, all geared up and ready to go...revving my engine only to find the track isn't open to me yet. Pure will is keeping me from becoming moody and I find the more I will myself to be excited about getting my home and family ready for this (My family has never really had to deal with me not being around, I'm a stay at home mom at the moment.) experience, the happier I become. All in all, my life is not bad at all. Happy Hump Day!
The weather is beautiful, Spring is here at last and The children are out enjoying the gorgeous day. We have been out all week, hiking, biking and just enjoying nature. I am ready to begin summer time activities, ready to slough off the heavy dregs of winter and open my windows and doors once more inviting the life of Spring into my home and heart!
I love the life that this time of year seems to bring to everything. Even the air smells fresher, the wind briskly bringing the fresh scent of flowers and greenery. It is time to live in the sun again, gone are the gray and heavy skies that are synonymous to winter, the weighted clothing and dark colors. Let everything sparkle anew!
I hope that all of You, my friends are out and enjoying Yourselves as much as We are here!
Why do humans make things so much harder than they really have to be? Why is it that it can take a lifetime for some people to learn something that takes another person only years to figure out and others seem to be born with it? I know that we learn at our own pace and of course that is perfectly natural, but it seems as if there should be some things that just come imprinted into our genes. Perhaps there was at one time? Or, maybe it's still there and we just forgot how to tap into it? I don't know, but somehow, it's been lost to most of the population. Its been replaced though, or perhaps a stronger gene has taken over...who knows? My point is that people just don't care anymore. About anything, really...well, most don't anyway, there is that few somewhere out there that still do. Honestly, I don't think people realize just how selfish they are at times.
In fact, I don't think that people really think about things in those terms anymore. It really has become an every woman/man for him/her-self world, you do what you have to do so you can survive. I don't think people, for the most part, go through life looking for a way to screw someone over. I do think that people end up doing very selfish and insensitive things to get what they think they need or "deserve" at a moment and end up hurting others. I think that is why it is so hard to find a person to whom you can give your trust, to put your heart into that person's hand and say "Here, I'm giving you my heart to do will as you please. My heart means a lot to me, it's my life, all of who I am." There aren't many out there that I would want to even chance that with anymore.
This is where I have trouble because I'm an all or nothing type person, meaning: I don't know how to only be a half friend or only love someone this------much, only let them this-------------close, so that I will be protected. My friend K and T (someone we hope we can call a friend) were all talking about this today. Learning the difference between loving someone enough to see past their bullshit and letting someone use your big heart to get what they want. Where do you draw the line? When is enough, enough? We talked about this for a long time and it was nice to see that as far as the three of us...we are pretty much on the same page.
It was nice to sit and talk about things like this without anyone feeling like fingers were being pointed, just that we were stating our opinions. It's good to be on the same page as someone else, even though the words are written out a little differently through each set of eyes. I feel as if I am growing a lot lately, in many areas of my life and it makes me feel wonderful, makes me want to learn more so I can grow more and become the person that I know I can be. It makes me want to be a better person in all aspects of my life. That's a good thing.
Hope you all have a great week...
This weekend has been okay, I guess. Things can always be worse, right? Actually I have had much worse, this was more mental stress than anything else. I have far too much going on in my mind right now, that's all. School being foremost in my mind next to making sure the house is in complete order before I start my classes and a couple of other things that are messing with my head.
Knowing that I have to wait until August isn't making any of this easier, but I know that it will go by faster than it actually seems to and then I will be nervous about having everything ready in time to start...it's a cycle I tell ya! lol, funny how the mind works isn't it.
I hope everyone has a great week...
My life has been a wild roller coaster of emotions for a long time, the things I thought I wanted to do...I don't know, but a part of me just didn't feel settled with them, by them I mean, nursing and cosmetology. I am not saying I wouldn't enjoy those careers, but...Let me back up a bit.
When I got married ten years ago, I had a dream of going to a school in this area: Nossi College of Art. At the time, I couldn't go because I didn't have my GED, (or the sense to get it before I had three kids. OY!) I let my GED stand in my way for almost ten years and in that time I lost sight of that dream, in a fog, hiding from failure it lay forgotten somewhere along the way.
A few days ago I stummbled over this dream again, now that the GED has been taken and conquered there is nothing to stand in my way, no reason to box myself in. If I am going to go to school, why not go for something I have long dreamed of and believe I can do and do well. I enjoy art, I like graphics, I like to write. So, I'm going to school for this: Commercial Illustration. I haven't been this happy in a long time, gone is the loneliness that stained my soul. I feel like a kid again, waiting for Christmas morning so I could start unraveling the wonders that awaited me.
I have started filling out applications and papers, questionnaires, anything to get this dream in motion least I lose it because I might not be lucky enough to find it again, besides why wait until I'm too old to enjoy it, if I start now I still have a whole life of doing what I love ahead of me!
I would also like to have my children remember me for more that just the mom who washed their clothes and fed them. I want them to know me for the cool, artistic chick that I am just bursting to be. I want them to know me as a happy person, someone able to pass on a love for life and the ability to learn. To marvel at the wonders and beauty that surround us all.
